Towards Grace

"I have a question. You were raised in a PCA church…?” my interviewer asked. I think that they half-expect me to renounce my childhood. The question is unspoken, but I answer anyway.

“Yeah, I was. While I understand the value of various denominational structures, I don’t actually believe in denominations. The way that they exist in the United States tends to cause tension and division, while the Bible clearly calls for there to be unity within the church. I’ve gone to a Presbyterian Church of America, a Methodist preschool, a Southern Baptist church, a nondenominational church, an interdenominational church, and in Austria I go to an Evangelical Free Church. I don’t feel the need to agree 100% with the doctrine of a specific denomination in order to find community there, to be loved, and to love others.”

For those of you who don’t know: YAV is part of the Presbyterian Church U.S.A., which is considered more liberal and left leaning. They ordain women and are open to and affirming of the LGBTQIA community. The Presbyterian Church of America is its foil; they are more conservative, do not ordain women, and believe that homosexuality is a sin.

While I initially found it interesting that I was asked the same question in every single interview and initial meeting, after I while I found it very tiring. Some people were satisfied by my response, but others felt the need to be more specific: “We are PCUSA. We ordain women and are welcoming of queer folx. Are you okay with that?”

I understand the need to ask the question. When creating a safe-space and an affirming space, you have to vet out the people who will be there to make sure that they will support such a space. Also, they don’t want people who will be undermining the leadership of the women that they have ordained.

Yet, I am tired of answering the question. If I wasn’t okay being in a space with ordained women or wasn’t okay being in a space that is open and affirming, I wouldn’t have applied to a program that stems from the PCUSA church.

But also, from the suspicious and semi-accusative tone that I hear as people ask this question, it is clear to me that a wrong answer would render me a bad Christian. Possibly even mean that I am not a Christian at all.  It is clear to me that there is no room for uncertainty.

Where do I stand on these two issues? I recognize that I have been raised in conservative churches. The logic they use to interpret scripture makes sense to me. Yet, the denial of female voices and authority does not represent who I know Christ to be. The persecution and judgment of queer individuals is not the love that God calls us to. My head and my heart call me to two different conclusions. But I am okay with that uncertainty. I don’t claim to be God or to know everything. I will continue to follow God’s call to love everyone that I encounter without condition and to call for a just society as best I know how.

I have felt God calling me to be a bridge, especially across lines of political difference. I guess that call has already started. My connections with conservatives are attacked by liberals in my life and my connections with liberals are attacked by conservatives in my life. It breaks my heart to see how the church is divided across cultural and political trenches, even though a love for Christ is supposed to unify us all. It frustrates me that with one word or phrase, my complete identity is categorized and my beliefs are assigned, whether or not they are true.

Dear Christians, dear fellow believers, I urge us to have grace with one another. To have grace in areas of theological and political difference. To not judge based on your understanding of God, but to act in ways so that people feel the love of Christ.

And for those of you who are PCA or more conservative and reading this, you are not off the hook either. I got so many warnings about going into another denomination, warnings to not abandon what I have been taught. Theological concerns thinly veiling political concerns.

Christ calls us to live in truth and grace (John 1:14), but I believe that we have become so focused on truth that we neglect grace.

Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:11-15