Towards a Joyful Soul

National orientation was full of theoreticals, taught at us as we sat in an auditorium. That's what I spent the last 4 years of my life doing in undergrad. That's what I wanted to get away from by spending a year volunteering. Not that theory is inherently bad, but it is incomplete. It's significantly more difficult to understand the meta-level without having informing experiences. Intellectual beliefs do not equal visceral knowledge. I wanted to build relationships. I wanted to build experiential knowledge. By the end of my time in New York, I was so ready to go back to New Orleans, to start building relationships with my roommates, to get to know the city that will be my home. That's exactly what we've been doing this past week! We have spent time talking about house expectations and having fun with one another (celebrating my birthday!). We have spent time meeting the people who we will be working with and even meeting some of the people that our housem

In the last week, I spent 3 days driving to New Orleans, moved into my new house, met my housemates, flew to New York with them, and have had 5 days of national orientation. me, once I had unpacked my room Pic cred: Davis me with Sarah, my roommate  and the other girl in the house Pic cred: Sarah's mom we were brought a cookie cake by a Board Member Pic cred: Sarah Each day has been jam-packed and exhausting. The first day that we arrived in New York, I was not doing great. I was exhausted from days of travel. I spent lots of emotional energy meeting new people and being "fun." The introvert in me needed a break. But instead of much needed alone time, I got up at 3:30 am to catch a 6am flight. I also am not a morning person and have a lot of travel anxiety when flying due to past hospital visits, so just the perfect combination. I was filled with worries about living in a new place and new people and with my defenses down, past traumas relived

I have a Type A personality. I like lists. I like order. I like organization. I like plans. I leave tomorrow and there is so much I don't know and can't plan for for the year ahead. I feel like a tight rope walker. I have planned as much as possible and made the net below me that will catch me if I fail, but I don't know how long or high or wide or tight the tightrope is. I don't know what material the rope is made of, will it be on fire? I don't know whether the crowd will be nice or boo me and throw things at me. I don't even know how to walk a tightrope. I'm afraid of the unknown and, starting tomorrow, I will be jumping into the unknown. I'm so anxious. I have many, many unhealthy coping mechanisms for anxiety that are actually quite destructive to me. As I get closer to my big move, they are getting harder to resist. I have to be more creative in my coping strategies and I have to lean more and more on my support network (that's you!).