Towards Sharing My Whole Self


This year, I decided to share some of my Austrian Christmas celebrations, specifically a German Advent song and Sankt Nikolaus Tag traditions, with my fellow housemates and Dan, the site coordinator.

Tradition has it that St. Nicholas comes around houses and puts goodies in the boots of good children. His counterpart, Krampus, purportedly steals the children who have been bad. But those who have been good get small goodies, often food and socks or mittens. Unlike Santa Claus, Sankt Nikolaus Tag is separate from Christmas Day. It's during the same season, but the Christ child is the gift brought on Christmas (in my mind, this is one reason that there is less of a conflation of capitalism and consumerism with Christmas in Austria).

On December 5th, I told my housemates to put their shoes outside with essentially no other instructions. All I told them was that it is part of my cultural heritage. They were suspect and probably a little confused, but did it anyway.

I went to the store to get the traditional boot fillers: mandarin oranges, nuts, and chocolates. At first, I was trying to spend only a little money (after all, one of the core tenets of the YAV program is simple living). But while at the store, I also saw mirlitons, the unofficial squash of New Orleans. I decided to go all in. I gave it a New Orleans flair as well. I got salt water taffy and chose drinks that each individual would enjoy. I got one of my friends, Emily, wet cat food too, for her cats.

As I was in the store, I got more and more excited. I didn't get anything extravagant, but I was filled with so much joy thinking about stuffing their boots with goodies. I hoped that they would enjoy my tradition and the things they found in their boots.

Even more so, I was excited to share with them a portion of myself that isn't always visible. People don't typically look at me or hear me and think,  "Oh, she's Austrian." I have to intentionally share that identity with people. So, this was a tangible way for me to share my culture with them.

Dan, Emily, and most of my housemates really enjoyed the surprises in their boots. They expressed appreciation that I included them in something that is important to who I am. They affirmed that my authentic self, both Austrian and US American, is seen and valued.

In sharing my culture, I got to offer an alternative to typical US American consumerism that consumes us around Christmas time.

In sharing my culture, I got to share core parts of myself.

In sharing my culture, I got to bring my friends and those around me joy.

Vulnerability, sharing important aspects of oneself, can be super scary because it opens you up to rejection. When one of my housemates only complained about what they received in their shoe, it really hurt because it felt like a dismissal of me and my culture.

On the other hand, vulnerability can also be incredibly beautiful. Because it opens you up to acceptance of your whole self and offers others a perspective of which they would otherwise be completely unaware. My housemates now have a deeper appreciation for my experience of the holidays.

I'm grateful to those who see me, all of me, and love me as I am.

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