Towards Submission
Mutual Discernment.
"We want to make sure the decision is right for you and for us."
That is what I was told from my very first interview with the YAV program. I appreciate it. It means that they aren't just trying to optimize their operations without considering the humanity behind the human. I'm not just a cog in their machine. I'm a real, holistic person.
But what does mutual discernment mean on my end?
Recently, it has meant submission.
Let me tell the story of my placement (in YAV language this means the day-to-day volunteer job):
I looked on the NOLA YAV website and looked at their partners. One placement really jumped out at me: Okra Abbey. Okra Abbey is a community garden in a food dessert that is also classified as a New Worshipping Community (aka not a traditional church).
Working there would provide me the ability to help people access needed physical nourishment. Working there would allow me the opportunity to support people spiritually. I could get out of my brain and into my body. I could get away from academia and into relationships. As a New Worshipping Community, it would be exciting and creative. It seemed interfaith. Plus, I love cooking.
I was immediately on board. So long as I didn't have to already know how to garden. I spoke to Dan (the NOLA site coordinator) and he agreed to contact the people at Okra Abbey so that I could interview with them.
After a couple months and multiple follow ups by both Dan and me, the pastor there finally contacted me and we set up an interview.
We talked, but the talk frustrated me and prompted me to write my previous blog post. I felt like I was defending my Christianity and open-mindedness. There was definitely no personal connection. My placement there seemed to be simple matter-of-fact for her, rather than exciting or welcome.
But still, I was super excited about the mission of Okra Abbey. As I thought about it and told people about it, I was sure that this was where I would spend my year and do lots of growing, both literal and figurative.
Dan spontaneously asked if I would be interested in interviewing with another place as well. I said, "Sure. It can't hurt." But internally I was convinced it was just a formality because I was meant to be at Okra Abbey. A week later, I had an interview scheduled with Mid-City Ministries, an after school tutoring program for underserved students.
I interviewed with Xander and a couple other integral team members. They were SO enthusiastic about having me be part of their team. Looking at my resume, they had already imagined ways that my particular skills and background could be valuable for Mid-City Ministries. My Spanish skills. My intercultural background and passion. Having a brother who is 2 years older. My desire to be near academia in the future.
As they asked me about my multi-denominational and often conservative childhood, they asked with curiosity to know how it has impacted the person that I am rather than asking me to defend it. Xander relayed that he comes from a similar background and lives with many of the same tensions that I do.
They asked me questions out of curiosity, like why I chose my username, just because they wanted to get to know me better. Xander said, "We love the volunteer that we have this year. She has done so much for us. And an hour ago I was really nervous because those are big shoes to fill. But talking to you, I'm not nervous at all. I'm so excited."
At the end of the interview, one of the other team members said, "We think you're so great. Please pick us!"
I was utterly confused. I loved the mission of Okra Abbey, but did not love the person I talked to. I loved the people from Mid-City Ministries, but for some reason didn't get excited about the program.
So, I talked to Dan. I told him exactly what my experiences had been and he nearly leapt for joy. He was so excited that I had connected with the people at Mid-City Ministries so well! They had even emailed him afterwards with more ideas of how my particular talents could be used for the benefit of the program. And Xander would be a great mentor for me, having a similar background and being 10 years out of seminary. He saw what a great fit it would be for me and also saw how me working there freed up space for two of the other volunteers to work at Okra Abbey. Dan saw how me working at Mid-City would be better for me as well as the other volunteers as well as both placements.
I was encouraged by his response and appreciated the bigger picture perspective.
But I still wasn't sold. Why couldn't I get excited about the program?
I told Dan I had one last hangup. We had thought that Okra Abbey would be a great place to build my chaplaincy skills. How could I grow those skills at Mid-City? He didn't have an easy answer, but rather said that that is a great question to open conversation with Xander to shape my Mid-City experience. Xander facilitates the ministry with a pastoral perspective, even if that isn't inherent in the written description. So that could be how I approach our conversations and my work.
"We want to make sure the decision is right for you and for us."
That is what I was told from my very first interview with the YAV program. I appreciate it. It means that they aren't just trying to optimize their operations without considering the humanity behind the human. I'm not just a cog in their machine. I'm a real, holistic person.
But what does mutual discernment mean on my end?
Recently, it has meant submission.
Let me tell the story of my placement (in YAV language this means the day-to-day volunteer job):
I looked on the NOLA YAV website and looked at their partners. One placement really jumped out at me: Okra Abbey. Okra Abbey is a community garden in a food dessert that is also classified as a New Worshipping Community (aka not a traditional church).
Working there would provide me the ability to help people access needed physical nourishment. Working there would allow me the opportunity to support people spiritually. I could get out of my brain and into my body. I could get away from academia and into relationships. As a New Worshipping Community, it would be exciting and creative. It seemed interfaith. Plus, I love cooking.
I was immediately on board. So long as I didn't have to already know how to garden. I spoke to Dan (the NOLA site coordinator) and he agreed to contact the people at Okra Abbey so that I could interview with them.
After a couple months and multiple follow ups by both Dan and me, the pastor there finally contacted me and we set up an interview.
We talked, but the talk frustrated me and prompted me to write my previous blog post. I felt like I was defending my Christianity and open-mindedness. There was definitely no personal connection. My placement there seemed to be simple matter-of-fact for her, rather than exciting or welcome.
But still, I was super excited about the mission of Okra Abbey. As I thought about it and told people about it, I was sure that this was where I would spend my year and do lots of growing, both literal and figurative.
Dan spontaneously asked if I would be interested in interviewing with another place as well. I said, "Sure. It can't hurt." But internally I was convinced it was just a formality because I was meant to be at Okra Abbey. A week later, I had an interview scheduled with Mid-City Ministries, an after school tutoring program for underserved students.
I interviewed with Xander and a couple other integral team members. They were SO enthusiastic about having me be part of their team. Looking at my resume, they had already imagined ways that my particular skills and background could be valuable for Mid-City Ministries. My Spanish skills. My intercultural background and passion. Having a brother who is 2 years older. My desire to be near academia in the future.
As they asked me about my multi-denominational and often conservative childhood, they asked with curiosity to know how it has impacted the person that I am rather than asking me to defend it. Xander relayed that he comes from a similar background and lives with many of the same tensions that I do.
They asked me questions out of curiosity, like why I chose my username, just because they wanted to get to know me better. Xander said, "We love the volunteer that we have this year. She has done so much for us. And an hour ago I was really nervous because those are big shoes to fill. But talking to you, I'm not nervous at all. I'm so excited."
At the end of the interview, one of the other team members said, "We think you're so great. Please pick us!"
I was utterly confused. I loved the mission of Okra Abbey, but did not love the person I talked to. I loved the people from Mid-City Ministries, but for some reason didn't get excited about the program.
So, I talked to Dan. I told him exactly what my experiences had been and he nearly leapt for joy. He was so excited that I had connected with the people at Mid-City Ministries so well! They had even emailed him afterwards with more ideas of how my particular talents could be used for the benefit of the program. And Xander would be a great mentor for me, having a similar background and being 10 years out of seminary. He saw what a great fit it would be for me and also saw how me working there freed up space for two of the other volunteers to work at Okra Abbey. Dan saw how me working at Mid-City would be better for me as well as the other volunteers as well as both placements.
I was encouraged by his response and appreciated the bigger picture perspective.
But I still wasn't sold. Why couldn't I get excited about the program?
I told Dan I had one last hangup. We had thought that Okra Abbey would be a great place to build my chaplaincy skills. How could I grow those skills at Mid-City? He didn't have an easy answer, but rather said that that is a great question to open conversation with Xander to shape my Mid-City experience. Xander facilitates the ministry with a pastoral perspective, even if that isn't inherent in the written description. So that could be how I approach our conversations and my work.
As I talked to God about this placement, God spoke two different answers into my heart.
First, to be seen and to be wanted, the way I felt in my Mid-City Ministries interview, reflects God's heart. God sees me. God wants me.
Second, everyone else sees how this fit makes sense and I feel it too, even though I don't understand it.
First, to be seen and to be wanted, the way I felt in my Mid-City Ministries interview, reflects God's heart. God sees me. God wants me.
Second, everyone else sees how this fit makes sense and I feel it too, even though I don't understand it.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6)
"We walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 7:7)
I will submit to what so clearly seems to be God's will, even if I don't understand it right now. Maybe this placement will redirect what I thought to be my future calling. Maybe it will makes sense to me later.
I don't understand now, but I trust the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
I'm excited to be welcomed with enthusiasm to this team. I'm excited for mentorship. I'm excited to see how my particular skills and passions and background can offer valuable contributions to this ministry. I'm excited to see the plan and growth and surprises that God has in store that I can't even imagine.
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