Towards Joy


Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:4-8

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I went back to Richmond, Virginia for Christmas.

I'm not gonna lie and I'm not gonna go into it, but the time I spent there was ROUGH. I left feeling exhausted and a bit defeated.

I was so relieved to be back in New Orleans.

I was relieved to be back with my friends here. The day after I came back, I had a wonderful outing with Emily where she ran out of gas and I had to go to the gas station and bring her some. I was so amused. I was relieved to go back to my own church, where I feel filled and led by the Holy Spirit and valued by the community. I was relieved to go back to work, where I am an integral part of the team and really enjoy the work that I do. I was relieved to be back in my schedule, relaxing in the park and being able to breathe in the nice weather. I was relieved to be able to go back to dance, where I can focus on having a healthy body that emits endorphins. I was relieved to be in a place where I have autonomy. I was relieved to be back in the place that I now consider home.

Honestly, I'm glad that my time in Richmond was hard because it helped me to reflect on how much I love the life that I have created for myself here in NOLA.

After I got back, even though I had some rough days and things don't always go smoothly, when people have asked how I was doing, I would say, "Big picture, I'm doing great. Small picture, I've had a rough day."

Instead of focusing on the parts of my life that were frustrating, I spent the month of January incredibly grateful for my life.


...


Let me say that again: I spent the month of January incredibly grateful for my life.

That previous sentence, I'm pretty sure is a miracle.

I don't think I've been grateful for my life at any point in the last decade, let alone been grateful for a whole month. In January, I felt liberated in a way that I can't exactly describe. I am able to appreciate the positive aspects of my life. I acknowledge the negative parts, but they are not consuming me. I recognize how there has been pain in my past, but I am able to dwell in the present. There's a freedom from negativity as I center gratitude for the blessings in my life.

Mentally, I wonder if this is what it means to have stable mental health instead of a constant underlying current of depression. (Although there is a small voice in the back of my head that is wondering when this mindset will come crashing down.)

Spiritually, I wonder if this is what it means to be filled with joy.

One of my main goals for this year was to pursue joy, even in the midst of sorrow. Is this what that looks like?

Comments

  1. Chad McCainMay 7, 2020 at 10:56 AM

    I like your phrasing on "toward" joy, not that we have achieved it yet, but we are getting there. If we did not have any sorrow, how would we know what joy is? I think when I have been in sorrow in the past, then, because of the sorrow, I was able to greatly appreciate the times of joy, past or present.

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